It would have been easy to refuse. Madly punching numbers into the calculator, I had reached midpoint of tracing the convoluted mess of numbers in our checkbook to find the balance. Stopping now meant losing that train of thought. But, the excitement in her voice drew me to her.
"Look at this sunrise! Do you see the purple? Look at that pink! I love how the color goes from red to pink to orange to blue to purple, don't you? And, look over there! Do you see those clouds?"
On and on she went describing the sky, the clouds, and the unfolding landscape. My little six-year-old used words such as "vivid, subtle, and flowing." Where did she get those? Where did she get this eye for detail? This sense of wonder?
As a home schooling mom--when someone mentions something my children need to learn, I so often first focus on "What curriculum would teach that?" or "What book do I need to get?"
Yet again, my children are teaching me the most valuable lessons. This morning's lesson? Pay attention to your children. To cultivate a sense of wonder, of desire for beauty, of appreciating the treasures God lays at our door--we don't need a curriculum or book. I simply need to take interest when my daughter wants to describe something beautiful.
My interests tells her:
- beauty matters--if I had kept to the bills when she wanted to describe the sky, lesson would have been that beauty matters far less than bills. My interest says, "It's worth putting away the bills to gaze upon beauty."
- your interests matter--by pulling away to come when she calls, I hope she learned that what matters to her matters to me. I pray that encourages her to follow and explore her interests.
- your expressions matter--her blossoming vocabulary gets its chance to shine when I listen. The longer I listened--the more eloquent and detailed she became. When children get to narrate what they see--they take more in. As they describe the details--the details take hold in their minds. This develops a mind for beauty that no book describing the rudiments of beauty can match.
The cause? I couldn't find a black sock.
Seriously.
I had fielded questions regarding my husband's disability, covered the atrocities of slavery with our history lesson, returned several phone calls regarding speaking deadlines, and put dinner in the crockpot. The paperwork needed refiling due to a clerical error at the insurance office, the children asked agonizing question of how our country allowed slavery, the speaking took renegotiating, and the chicken going into the crockpot landed first on the floor. All this I took in stride. The black sock put me under.
It's the little things.
Sure, it's the little things that put me under. But God says I have to be faithful in the little things to be trusted with more. Matthew 25:21. He knows the little things offer a mirror of where my heart really resides. I can buck up to handle a big crisis, but when little things come along, I let down my guard.
It's then that I, and everyone else, can see what's really in my heart. A nagging selfishness that want's its way in all things. In the little things I show my desperate need for Jesus to save me from this selfishness that is always ready to rear it's ugly head. How I handle the little things offers ongoing teaching and example for my children--either for the good or the bad. The little things show who I really am.
On seeing my reflection, I took myself in hand and asked Jesus yet again to take away the selfishness in me that expects the universe to orient itself in such a way that I can always find what I want when I want it. I asked Him to fill the part of my heart that can't deal with lost socks. I asked Him to be my Savior yet again.
It's the little things that keep bringing me to the foot of the cross and recognizing my need for Him in every part of my life. Thank God for the little things.
A new Christmas song retelling the story of Jesus' birth was playing and the chorus had one line that stuck in my head and focused my thoughts, "Our salvation has a name."
Think about that.
In an incredibly insecure world, people long for security--something in which they can trust. Some trust in money--putting all their energy into building personal wealth to protect them against life's storms. Some put their trust in power--continually expanding their reach hoping this means nothing can reach them. Some trust popularity, some relationships, some luck. The common thread? None of these has a name.
They are nameless, impersonal forces that can have no conception of the people who trust them, no intentions toward them, and no interaction with them. The force simply moves through lives with people hoping against hope they gain the good side as the force moves through.
God never wants us to think of Him as an impersonal force. He is a person. He has feelings, desires, disappointments, hopes, dreams, and plans. He wanted us to know all this--so He came to personally to talk to us, relate with us, and live and die for us.
Coming in all His God-ness would have overwhelmed and made it difficult for us to get beyond the force of Him to see the person of Him. So He came as a baby--a form easily embraced, easily trusted, easily welcomed.
And He was given a name--Jesus.
Our children don't have to find their security in some nameless, faceless force that may or may not care for them. Their salvation has a name.
Want to make your children's Christmas perfect? Introduce them to their salvation. His name is Jesus.
Lists make great tools. They keep us organized. They focus our thoughts. They save us from making seven trips instead of one. Even Santa needs a list this time of year to keep straight all he does.
Lists make terrible masters. I recently heard a mom recount her weekend lived by the list. Grandma was in town for a holiday visit, so Mom made a list of all the special Christmas activities she would pack into the weekend to share with Grandma. Early Saturday morning she prepared a special breakfast to get everyone started on a warm tummy before they headed out the door for a day of activity.
One hitch. Little son sits down to the table and murmurs, "Mommy, I don't feel good." Not feeling good was not on the list, so Mom lets him off the hook of cleaning his plate but pushes him to get dressed for a day of fun.
First stop--touring park filled with scenes of Christmas lights. He meanders his way through the park, finally taking little sister's place in the stroller because he just couldn't keep walking.
Intrepid Mom purchases a can of 7-Up and moves on to the next item on the list. Little guy bucks up to participate as best he can.
Mid-afternoon finds them at stop 5 of the list--Arthur Christmas. "This is going to be great!" Mom thinks. Little guy can rest and enjoy a movie. She buys special treats for all and heads into the theater.
"Mom, I REALLY don't feel good." As she turns to encourage him to keep going one more time, she notices the tell-tale green tinge. Before she can off-load treats onto Grandma and grab son, he off-loads breakfast all over theater entrance.
Lists make terrible masters.
Message--we make lists because we want to take care of our family. We want to remember all the details of each special present or activity for each member of our family so we can get everything just right. Great sentiment! Use the list to keep this going.
At the same time, don't get so lost in the list you lose the focus--caring for your family. Key to caring is listening, focusing, adjusting. When the list calls for a movie but the child needs to cuddle on a warm couch--cuddle.
The best gift you can give your family--at Christmas and the rest of the year--is your attention and focus. When lists help you do this, use them. When they get in the way, lose the list.
We all want to make Christmas special for our children. How can we know we’ve done it? Though children’s wishes are as varied as the children, focus on a few keys and we can ensure a special holiday. Step 1—include their love language.
If you haven’t heard of or read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, give yourself an early present and snag this book. It will change your relationships.
In short, the book outlines the five ways love is communicated: gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and time. Though we all generally like all of these—we each receive love primarily through one. We may feel loved when others tell us we’re special--words of affirmation. If our family members focus on hugs, our love tank runs dry.
It’s like someone shouting, “Te amo!!!!!!!!” at the top of their lungs. If we don’t speak Spanish, we don’t know they are saying , “I love you.” Knowing and speaking your love in your child’s/spouse’s love language ensures your message gets to them.
At Christmas we focus on saying, “I love you,” often through gifts. Remember the love-language component to ensure the gifts you choose communicate your love in all the ways you intend.
· G Gifts. A gifts person attaches great significance to tangible expression of love. They feel loved when you take the time to find the toy, card, or collectible that demonstrates you know their true personality. For those whose primary love language is gifts—Christmas is a bonanza. Surrounded by tangible expressions of others’ love, this may truly be the most wonderful time of the year.
Caveat—The stakes are much higher for parents of gifts children. A thoughtless gift doesn’t just disappoint, it communicates disregard for the person.
Christmas preparation—intently listen to this child’s preferences. Watch what makes her eyes light up. Gifts people aren’t greedier than others; they simply attach great significance to tangible expressions of love. Sometime the simplest gifts are the most significant. A gift’s significance comes from the direct connection to the interests, traits, foci of the recipient. Here is the child for whom you NEVER buy a substitute. If they ask for the blue Radio Flyer bike—get the blue Radio Flyer bike or nothing. Don’t substitute the cheap, red Wal-Mart knock-off.
· W Words of affirmation. This person thrives when others specifically affirm their core traits either verbally or through cards and letters. When you take the time to mention, “You handled that argument with your sister really well” or to say “I love the way your mind works” you communicate an interest in and attention to the person that affirms the very essence of the person.
Caveat—Because words carry heightened meaning—they either affirm or negate the significance of this child. Beware of the stress of the season leading to outbursts on your part, or you could ruin the season for them.
Christmas preparation— get this child a tangible something from their list but also give a gift of words. Include a letter from you saying what you have valued in them over the past year in their stocking. Leave a card for each of the twelve days of Christmas on their pillow noting a trait you especially appreciate. No matter what else you get, they will know you love them
Acts of service. These children experience love through the acts others do for them. This can be tricky for parents who try to teach responsibility through assigning most self-care as chores. While these children do need to learn these tasks, they also need their love tank filled by an occasional act by you.
Caveat—Christmas can put even more strain on these children as you ask more and more of them and have even less time to do for them. No matter your intention, they can get to the end of the season feeling ignored and unloved.
Christmas preparation—the perfect gift for this child is the “coupon book.” Along with other gifts, create a book of coupons offering a variety of actions you will do for them on presentation of the coupon. Whether you make their school lunch, clean out their car, or put away their toys—each act communicates the love you feel in a way he can receive.
· P Physical touch. This child thrives on back rubs, frequent hugs, and sitting in your lap. While children are young, their love tanks are usually brimming because we are always holding, carrying, or hugging them. As children get older, a natural and appropriate distance develops as we pull back a little to respect boundaries. But, pull back too much or treat their growing independence as a signal to stop the physical affection, and their tanks run dry.
Christmas preparation—another great use of the coupon book—make ten coupons for backrubs and leave in child’s stocking. Make an effort to hug several times each day. As you pass them, ruffle their hair or give a squeeze. Develop this a habit, and you fill their tank even before Christmas comes.
· T Time. This child thrives on one-on-one time with you. Going for a walk, playing a game, or eating out together all become investments of time and attention that speak your love. The activity doesn’t matter; the time focusing exclusively on them does.
Caveat—though the busyness of the season can impair relationships with any child, the busyness impacts this child most deeply. As you plan your trips to the mall, gatherings with friends, and holiday outings—don’t let one-on-one time with this child get lost.
Christmas preparation—You can give the gift of establishing a weekly date to spend time with your child. Whether you go out for a soda, take a weekly walk in the park, or do an activity of her choosing each week; you invest the time that speaks your love.
We want our children to have a great Christmas. When you include their love language in your holiday preparation, you communicate your love. Isn’t that the point? As you make clear how much you love your children, you open their eyes to the real Christmas miracle—the coming of Jesus to communicate how much God loves them, too.
To make a healthy home—remember the love language.
