After recently completing the college process with daughter, I pondered, "What is it that makes big changes in life so difficult?" I didn't have to look too far for the answers.
First, big transitions--whether to walking, to starting Kindergarten, or to heading off to college--signify big change. Our toddler has never walked upright before. Our college bound child has never lived away from home before. At both ends of the spectrum their worlds change.
At the same time, their relationship with us changes. Toddlers, previously dependent on Mom or Dad to get anywhere, become independent movers. College students live independently. While crawling and high school offer some skills in making the transition, that final step is a doozy.
So, how can we help? We can understand and normalize the challenge. For new walkers, we can say to them, "Wow, trying to balance is scary and I can see falling hurts. A lot." We can verbalize to our college student all the change that goes into picking a school, a life direction, and a place to live--and how intimidating that can be. We can purposely intention to walk the transitions with our child--offering support, encouragement, and the freedom for them to begin succeeding in their next stage. Cheering our child the entire time.
Transitions are big. They incite deep emotion in our children. When we normalize all that's going on for them and then support them as they inch their way into the new place, our children thrive.
This month’s topic: What are the ways you help your children through big transitions?
Finding the Buffer Zone
As the fall schedule kicks in--I'm finding myself putting miles on the car and meals in sacks. Can anyone relate?
I love the opportunities available to my kiddos. I also love their unique personalities--which means different activities to fit different kids. Downside--a lot of running. A lot of frenzy. A lot of people getting short with each other because they are too tired to cope--self included.
I'm pausing to remember, while it's important to give opportunities to the children to learn and grow, it's just as important to build our family. And we can't build family if we're never home. So....I'm pulling the van over for the night for a family meeting where we'll establish two nights per week for everyone to be home--together. Buffer zones. Those zones that relieve stress and create space for the rest of life to take on deeper meaning. Rushing from one activity to another not only zaps us, it drains the benefits of the activities. Like a torrential downpour on parched ground, the benefits simply run off rather than being absorbed. So, we'll step back. Have set aside time just for each other. And, we'll explore new activities--but fewer. We'll pick best out of all the good, and only those that fit on non-buffer nights.
Every time a new season hits, I find myself fighting this same battle for balance. And every time I have to look to the goal--building our children; building our family.
Motivating Your Reluctant Child
Ever find the kiddos reluctant to do a chore you've assigned? They're not being outright disobedient--just v...e...r...y slow to comply. While the reasons vary--a common cause can be that they simply don't understand what's desired. Though we think we're being perfectly clear, our children's lack of experience in the world can severely hamper their ability to comprehend what we want. Taking the time to detail the end goal and the steps to achieve can help. Children know exactly what is expected--and how to get there. Though it may seem obvious to us, those extra directions give our child the confidence they need to jump into a task. So--next time you have a reluctant worker, don't just assume they are trying to get out of the job. They may simply need a little more definition to get them moving in the right direction.
This month’s topic: What are the ways you motivate your children to help?
When the kiddos ask, "Why do I have to do this math homework?" there are many good answers. This may be one of the best.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
This month’s topic: What do you think?
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