We all want to make Christmas special for our children. How can we know we’ve done it? Though children’s wishes are as varied as the children, focus on a few keys and we can ensure a special holiday. Step 1—include their love language.

If you haven’t heard of or read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, give yourself an early present and snag this book. It will change your relationships.

In short, the book outlines the five ways love is communicated: gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and time. Though we all generally like all of these—we each receive love primarily through one. We may feel loved when others tell us we’re special--words of affirmation. If our family members focus on hugs, our love tank runs dry.

It’s like someone shouting, “Te amo!!!!!!!!” at the top of their lungs. If we don’t speak Spanish, we don’t know they are saying , “I love you.” Knowing and speaking your love in your child’s/spouse’s love language ensures your message gets to them.

At Christmas we focus on saying, “I love you,” often through gifts. Remember the love-language component to ensure the gifts you choose communicate your love in all the ways you intend.

· G Gifts. A gifts person attaches great significance to tangible expression of love. They feel loved when you take the time to find the toy, card, or collectible that demonstrates you know their true personality. For those whose primary love language is gifts—Christmas is a bonanza. Surrounded by tangible expressions of others’ love, this may truly be the most wonderful time of the year.

Caveat—The stakes are much higher for parents of gifts children. A thoughtless gift doesn’t just disappoint, it communicates disregard for the person.

Christmas preparation—intently listen to this child’s preferences. Watch what makes her eyes light up. Gifts people aren’t greedier than others; they simply attach great significance to tangible expressions of love. Sometime the simplest gifts are the most significant. A gift’s significance comes from the direct connection to the interests, traits, foci of the recipient. Here is the child for whom you NEVER buy a substitute. If they ask for the blue Radio Flyer bike—get the blue Radio Flyer bike or nothing. Don’t substitute the cheap, red Wal-Mart knock-off.

· W Words of affirmation. This person thrives when others specifically affirm their core traits either verbally or through cards and letters. When you take the time to mention, “You handled that argument with your sister really well” or to say “I love the way your mind works” you communicate an interest in and attention to the person that affirms the very essence of the person.

Caveat—Because words carry heightened meaning—they either affirm or negate the significance of this child. Beware of the stress of the season leading to outbursts on your part, or you could ruin the season for them.

Christmas preparation— get this child a tangible something from their list but also give a gift of words. Include a letter from you saying what you have valued in them over the past year in their stocking. Leave a card for each of the twelve days of Christmas on their pillow noting a trait you especially appreciate. No matter what else you get, they will know you love them

Acts of service. These children experience love through the acts others do for them. This can be tricky for parents who try to teach responsibility through assigning most self-care as chores. While these children do need to learn these tasks, they also need their love tank filled by an occasional act by you.

Caveat—Christmas can put even more strain on these children as you ask more and more of them and have even less time to do for them. No matter your intention, they can get to the end of the season feeling ignored and unloved.

Christmas preparation—the perfect gift for this child is the “coupon book.” Along with other gifts, create a book of coupons offering a variety of actions you will do for them on presentation of the coupon. Whether you make their school lunch, clean out their car, or put away their toys—each act communicates the love you feel in a way he can receive.

· P Physical touch. This child thrives on back rubs, frequent hugs, and sitting in your lap. While children are young, their love tanks are usually brimming because we are always holding, carrying, or hugging them. As children get older, a natural and appropriate distance develops as we pull back a little to respect boundaries. But, pull back too much or treat their growing independence as a signal to stop the physical affection, and their tanks run dry.

Christmas preparation—another great use of the coupon book—make ten coupons for backrubs and leave in child’s stocking. Make an effort to hug several times each day. As you pass them, ruffle their hair or give a squeeze. Develop this a habit, and you fill their tank even before Christmas comes.

· T Time. This child thrives on one-on-one time with you. Going for a walk, playing a game, or eating out together all become investments of time and attention that speak your love. The activity doesn’t matter; the time focusing exclusively on them does.

Caveat—though the busyness of the season can impair relationships with any child, the busyness impacts this child most deeply. As you plan your trips to the mall, gatherings with friends, and holiday outings—don’t let one-on-one time with this child get lost.

Christmas preparation—You can give the gift of establishing a weekly date to spend time with your child. Whether you go out for a soda, take a weekly walk in the park, or do an activity of her choosing each week; you invest the time that speaks your love.

We want our children to have a great Christmas. When you include their love language in your holiday preparation, you communicate your love. Isn’t that the point? As you make clear how much you love your children, you open their eyes to the real Christmas miracle—the coming of Jesus to communicate how much God loves them, too.

To make a healthy home—remember the love language.

Mom, do you remember the moment? That moment when your pregnant body refused to take another stair, to bend to pick up another sock, to even move out of the rocker. Can you imagine climbing on a donkey every day for a week to travel over rocks, up hills, through water to a distant town? Can you envision the fear of labor pains starting on the night you share a floor with goats and cows? No mother, no friend, no familiar midwife to call. Sure, the vision of the angel telling you this is God’s son vividly permeates your thoughts, but could it have been real? Would God have allowed Caesar to order you to move so far in so delicate a condition? Wouldn’t God provide better for His Son?

Dad, do you remember the moment? The moment your bride announced the impending birth of your first child. Do you recall the surprise, the pride, the wonder? Joseph experienced none of that. Horror, anger, despair that the woman he loved had publicly made a mockery of him was all he likely felt at Mary’s announcement of impending birth. Sure, the vision of the angel telling you this is God’s son vividly permeates your thoughts. But, as you struggle to pull a donkey across a desert, find a room for your bride to rest, locate a midwife in a distant town—could it have been real? Would God have allowed this turn of events? Wouldn’t God provide better for His Son?

This Christmas parents will struggle mightily to provide a “good Christmas” for our children. Though times are tough, we will find a way to get something to light their eyes and give a sense of wonder. Yet, even as we troll the aisles looking for “it,” we may struggle with questions. If the God we worship is sovereign, if we are following His plan—how can this be happening to us? Wouldn’t God provide better for His people?

God used Caesar to move Mary to David’s birthplace to fulfill prophesy and clearly establish Jesus’ identity as God’s plan of salvation from the dawn of time. Choosing a woman from Bethlehem could be dismissed as coincidence. The unusual moving of a woman from a far distance pointed to God. God’s provision of a stable instead of suite at the inn allowed socially outcast shepherds to be the first to gaze upon the Savior. God demonstrated, unlike most religions, that His salvation is for all—even the lowliest. God’s movement of the wisest men of the age from a distant land likewise demonstrated that the greatest would bow to Jesus. In every aspect of the Christmas story we see the seemingly worst circumstances intentionally planned to reveal God’s hand.

As you struggle with circumstances that seem to argue against God’s sovereignty, God’s care, or His provision—consider Joseph and Mary. They had every reason to doubt—yet their lives perfectly reveal God to us. As God’s plan unfolded Mary treasured the signs that her faith was well-placed. Stick with the plan God has given you. As you do, your unfolding life will reveal God’s hand both to you and others to demonstrate your faith is well-placed.

As the backdrop to the new bike, the costumed Barbie, and the pile of Lego’s, the security of parents faithfully putting their confidence in the goodness, power, and love of God—even in testing times—ministers to the heart of our children. While you may not have to haul a pregnant belly onto a donkey or live down the rumors surrounding your wife, you will walk in Joseph and Mary’s footsteps each time you trust God despite the circumstances that surround. That faithful walk will become the greatest gift you give your children and the very core of a “good Christmas.”

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

One of the best holidays of the year, Valentine’s Day offers the chance to celebrate love in all its forms. From fun to goofy to deeply romantic, each expression of love reveals, not only the love, but the heart of the lover. As families break from the gloom of winter to celebrate Valentine’s Day, let us count the ways we can show love to each other.

Words. Powerful and lasting, words are a family’s most potent love potion. Words generate connection. Words offer encouragement. Words nurture life. Your Valentines card will have funny, creative, or passionate words of love for your family. How about mixing a few of those into daily conversation?

Just as important are the tone and the expression accompanying those words. Sarcasm, long-suffering, and exasperation are love killers. Though she may have every right to be impatient, a flustered mom who takes a deep breath and instead offers encouragement creates love. A frustrated husband who gently pulls his wife into an embrace and whispers words of peace creates love. A sibling who meekly apologizes for trashing a Lego masterpiece creates love. Count words as a major way to love.

Acceptance. People crave security and significance. Acceptance—a recognition and genuine appreciation for the unique individuality of each person in our family—builds both, along with love. Acceptance creates the security of, "I am loved for who I am." A daughter’s love of domestic pursuits may drive her hard-charging mom up the wall while a son’s inclination for piano may interfere with dad’s football fantasies. Yet, the purposeful disregarding of expectations in favor of genuine acceptance affirms that each person is significant precisely because of who they are. Whether dad loudly cheers at son’s recital or mom purchases a needed skein of yarn, acceptance speaks love.

Time. Love is spelled T-I-M-E. Where we spend our time indicates our highest priorities. While counting the ways you love each other, count the times you set aside to be together. Regular dates with your children to catch up individually, family outings to build camaraderie, and family dinners to unify all add up to times that create a home of love. Don’t forget your spouse. Married people still need to date. Take time for romantic interludes to rekindle and reconnect. As the foundation of the home, a loving marriage creates a loving home. Make time.

Touch. Every human being needs four hugs per day merely to survive, eight hugs per day to maintain a strong emotional level, and twelve hugs per day to grow. As you count the ways to say “I love you,” count the hugs. It’s easy to hug our babies and toddlers. Those teens get a little more difficult—yet, they still need hugs. Become a house that hugs, that hi-fives, that back-pats, that tousles hair, and that squeezes. As you tender physical touch, you create tenderness that translates into love.

These are just a few ways to count the ways we love our family. As the month progresses, why not create and count a few new ways of your very own?