Horrifying pictures of recent floods vividly remind us of the catastrophic power of unrestrained water. Yet, all ancient civilizations began along rivers. Flowing water, restrained to its banks, brings productivity, energy, and vitality. Only with such a foundation could civilizations form. Great power unrestrained wreaks havoc; channeled it exudes life.
“Do it myself”—the preschooler mantra as three to five year olds increasingly seek to operate independently from parents. Unlike during their more fumbling toddler stage, the honed fine-motor skills of the preschool stage allow children to take charge. They manipulate words, toys, and playmates to bring life to their imagination. While full of promise this drive, unrestrained, can lead to willful, self-absorbed children who wreak havoc both for themselves and those around them. How do we channel this emerging force which has the potential for such good toward productivity and service to others?
Goal—Provide a spiritual framework to channel their imaginations and activities. Just as rivers need banks to protect against destructiveness and to increase productivity, your preschooler needs the restraining boundaries of guiding principles to protect against an overflow into destructiveness and instead to channel their emerging abilities into positive outlets.
How—
• Lay the foundation. You likely have been singing Bible songs and reading stories from your children’s bible since your toddler first began sitting on your lap. If you haven’t, now is a great time to start. With these you introduce what the Bible says to various situations. Preschoolers love and remember story. Likewise songs. Spend time each day singing, reading, or telling the great stories of the Bible so your preschooler comes to know them by heart.
• Apply the principles. When your toddler initiates a game with a playmate, converses with you, or conceives a building project and runs into an obstacle, frame his options within biblical principles. If son and playmate fight over a toy, take son aside and remind him, “God wants us to do to others what we want them to do to us. Do you want Joey to grab the truck out of your hand?” When he says no, ask, “What would you want him to do?” If son says he wants Joey to ask for or share the truck—offer, “Well, that’s what you should do.”
If a collapsing tower has your preschooler throwing more blocks than stacking, offer—“Honey, the bible says that a man without self-control is like a city without walls—you leave yourself open to being hurt. What if one of these blocks bounces and hits you? Or, you break the one that you need most? Or, I decide to take the blocks away because you are a danger to your little sister? Won’t that harm you? You want your building to stand. Throwing blocks doesn’t make your building stand. Let’s work together on how to make your building stand.” In this you teach both that temper tantrums aren’t acceptable and that you are a resource to whom your child can turn when overwhelmed—two great life habits.
Frustration, anger, bossiness, and selfishness all naturally flow from our preschooler as they initiate. When we offer biblical boundaries for how to implement their initiative, they learn to initiate in Godly ways.
Don’t know these scriptures? Get a copy of Parenting with Scripture by Kara Durbin. One of the best resources for parents, this book compiles scriptures by topic on subjects such as choices, jealousy, friendship, laziness, sharing, and so much more. Just turn to the heart motive your child exhibits, and you’ll find six to seven scriptures, discussion points, and an activity to bring the lesson home. Choose the most applicable passage and use it to guide your preschooler toward Godliness.
• Equip their imagination. Invest in imagination-boosting toys such as blocks, kitchen supplies, dolls, stuffed animals, cars, action figures, etc. Stock quantities of scratch paper, construction paper, glue sticks, crayons, paints, brushes, sponges, and play dough. If your child is a loner, give her time each day to bring life to her ideas. If she’s more a group player, set aside time each day to play with her. Be sure to play a supporting role; allow her to initiate and drive the time. When you do, you provide the equipment and incentive for her ideas to come to life.
• Affirm their endeavors. Listen to his ideas. Revel in her stories. Applaud tall towers. Encourage your preschooler’s efforts to work with siblings and playmates. You are the center of your preschooler’s world. As you offer affirmation, you encourage your preschooler to channel his energy in productive ways rather them tempting him to give in to his desire to have his own way—no matter the consequence.
“Do it myself!” every preschooler’s heart cry. As you set boundaries to your preschooler’s imagination and actions, you channel her energy and drive into habits which will serve her and others for a lifetime.
Coming next: Journey of Parenting--the Early Elementary Years
This month’s topic: What have you learned during the preschool stage?
"Scary, Mommy, scary!!" My daughter cringes as we scurry past a moaning skeleton whose fingers grasp at our grocery cart. Blood covered costumes line store aisles, scary masks peek from the shelves, eerie music plays over the speakers--just another October shopping trip. When children feel more fear than fun, how do parents keep the anxiety to a minimum?
Anticipate more fear. Though many children enjoy the thrill of being scared, many others find the season a little too creepy. Children up to about age six or seven have trouble separating what's real from fantasy. So, even if children seem fine in the store, displays have the potential to stay in children's heads and create fear later. If you notice your child hiding their eyes or helplessly transfixed on the scary mask or making more visits to your bed during the night, this may be the month to let them stay home while you shop.
The scenes aren't confined just to stores. Our children also see scary decorations in yards and may have friends who relish showing off their new gargoyle mask with the spike through the eye. Simply being in tune with how your child is coping and quickly separating them if the atmosphere becomes too overwhelming will head off nightmares and anxiety that last long after Halloween is over.
Focus on fun. Fall fills the senses--from colorful trees to the smell of a bonfire to leaves crunching underfoot. If your children exhibit anxiety, turning their focus to the beauty of fall can work wonders. Painting funny faces on pumpkins or creating a fall scene with different gourds can add beauty to your home and give children a chance to actively participate in a non-threatening fall activity. Hayrides, corn mazes, and fall campouts are other ways to enjoy fall beauty.
Silly costumes divert attention to the fun. Children love to dress up. Amidst all the scary options are super heroes, princesses, and their favorite cartoon characters. Providing costumes to match our child's latest love allows him or her to join the fun of dress-up without enduring the grotesque and takes the focus from fearful to fun.
Explore alternatives. For parents of children who are especially sensitive or parents who would rather avoid the Halloween scene altogether, a variety of churches and community groups offer alternative parties with special themes that avoid anything scary. Check local papers for notices of fun alternatives that side-step the creepy altogether.
Fall offers beauty, excitement, and a variety of activities not available any other season--it's no time to hide away. If parents pay attention to how children experience all they are seeing, we can turn fall from a season of fear to a season of fun.
This month’s topic: What are your favorite fall activities?
