My best parenting instructor? Often, my garden. 
I find so many parallels between nurturing the plants in my garden and the children in my home. Perhaps this relationship training is why God first gave Adam and Eve a garden to tend. Did He know that the practice of planting, watering, and weeding to nurture Eden would prove perfect for all the people-relationships they would nurture in the coming years?
Yesterday I learned another lesson. Weeds at the corner of a garden box are the dickens to get out. The roots go deeper. Tools don't reach. You skin your knuckles like crazy to pull. Quite like the weeds at the corner of my life. 
Sin out in the open--in the middle of the garden box, so to speak--I can easily remove. Blatant disregard for others, yelling rudely at my children, selfishly seeking my gain at their expense--these wide-open sins are easily spotted and easily squashed. 
Sin at the corners--not so easy. The creeping sarcasm when child's misbehavior has worn my patience thin. The desire to control my child's preferences to match mine rather than stretch myself to match his. The knee-jerk punishment which, though deserved, is perhaps a bit harsher because my own selfishness has been offended. These behaviors which grow slowly, undetected until the roots have driven deep into daily patterns, prove hardest to remove.
Yet, my garden has also taught that if I settle for getting the majority of weeds from the middle and give in on the weeds at the corners, they eventually invade and kill all the growth I so carefully cultivated. They strangle the tomatoes, rob moisture from the peppers, crowd out the cucumbers. Rather than life-giving produce, I'm left with a box of weeds.
I don't want all the time I spend nurturing my children's character, praying over their future, or investing in filling their love tank to be robbed because I allowed weeds in the corner of my character to invade, strangle or crowd out everything else in our relationship. As with my garden, I gird myself to do the hard work of removing the weeds at the edges of my parenting. As I deal with my own sinfulness, my efforts in parenting yield greater fruit with my children. 
Yes, I think God knew exactly what He was doing. Gardens make great teachers.
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Do you remember the shows that would make you cry? Nearly every episode?
The kids and I have been enjoying Little House on the Prairie as a break during school. We're studying American History, so I figure it applies. 
Yet, I forgot how often that show made me cry. Babies die. Pets get rabies. Hail storms ruin crops and fortunes. I look around the room at my children holding back the tears every fourth episode and wonder, "Is this too much?"
Then I remember the words of God. "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8. A huge part of my job as mom is to train my children how to think. Now I don't know that God meant that we should watch certain shows. But, I do think He meant us to be strategic not only in keeping out what corrupts but to introduce what brings the noble, lovely and right to life.
God tells me I'm to train them to fill their minds with the true, noble, pure, lovely, admirable things of the world. They are to focus on the courage it takes to bring life into the world knowing a disease can snuff that life out in a moment. They are to focus on putting hard work and time into a life's calling--even if a hail storm can destroy that work at the worst possible moment. They are to focus on the difficulty of hanging together as a family through thick and thin. 
Likewise they are to focus on the joy of being part of a family through thick and thin. They are to focus on the privilege of bringing in the fruits of a labor and benefiting from the skills God has bestowed. They are to treat life as precious.
I have to say I really dislike crying. But, I miss the shows that connected so deeply you did cry in their sorrows even as you laughed in their joys. I am grateful for simple ways to meet the challenge of putting the noble, admirable, and pure in front of my children. As we explore the customs and lifestyle of the 1800's through this small lens, I pray we do far more than simply augment our history books with a living picture of that life. I pray our children gain a living picture of how to focus on the best aspects of life.
Perhaps they'll even grow up to recreate the kind of show that brought the best of life to screen nearly every episode.
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I relish the view from our front porch: the sun streaming through the clouds; the birds flying from branch to branch. A gentle breeze completes the paradise. Until I open my book.
That same gentle breeze flips pages faster than I ever think possible--ripping some completely away. The wind is just a force. I know it doesn't intentionally set out to destroy my book, yet it does. Impersonal. Unintentional. At times blessing--at times destroying. How often am I like the wind?
I wonder how often words I utter--words seemingly gentle--destroy when brushing by my children or my spouse. Though I never intend to do so. How often I have wandered into a room and spoken words that ripped chunks from a heart? Ripped because, like the wind with my book, I didn't know their vulnerabilities. My disappointed response to a sales clerk that embarrasses daughter. My inquiry regarding a friend's party that reminds son that he wasn't invited. My silly joke that hits too close to husband's fear.
I'm learning the power of my words. Impersonal words can destroy--even seemingly gentle words that, in other contexts, refresh. I need to know the people I speak to--generally and as they unfold daily--so that I can pattern my words to their situation. So the words I speak complete the paradise without ripping anything away.
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Sobs come through the door before my daughter ever gets it open. As I run to see which arm is broken, she collapses in my arms. "Honey! What in the world is the matter?" I begin feeling for sprains and looking for gushing blood.
"Halley won't go in the cage," she sobs. Seriously? 
I pull her face from my shoulder and gaze into absolutely overwhelmed eyes. Understanding dawns. The dog is twice daughter's size. To describe her as rambunctious would be kind. As daughter's cries die away she explained that she wanted to put Halley away for the night as a favor for big brother. Her plan backfired horribly as the dog ran rings around her rather than simply walk into the cage. Result--overwhelmed child.
Ever see that "deer in the head lights" look in your son's face? Hear the moans coming from daughter's room? Our children too often feel absolutely overwhelmed by life. By demands of classes, by ridiculous expectations from friends, by an overly critical eye turned on themselves. How can we help?
Define the problem. Overwhelmed generally comes from that vague sense of impending doom. The very vagueness increases the sense of powerlessness. Defining the problem helps.
This can take a while. Verbal children often have to talk through an issues. As daughter talks in circles--she gets out the emotion, the layers, the confusion. Slowly the underlying issues emerges. 
More experiential son has to pace or hammer to process his thoughts. As he physically punches an object, his brain punches out the layers of problem until he has a complete picture.
However your child operates, when overwhelmed sets in--set aside time to simply let your child vent. As he does, repeat back what you hear him saying. Hearing his own words, son can hone in on the pattern of conduct or emotions that form the crux of the issue. Once the problem is defined, he can begin to develop a strategy.
Define the goal. Understanding the issues behind the overwhelmed enables both parents and children to then define the answer to the issue. Once daughter expressed all her anger at the dog's antics, at the time it took to do a simple job, at the frustration of being too little--she finally defined the goal: to help her big brother. Knowing the goal leads to creating a plan.
Define the plan. A plan gives children focus and a sense of control--two great weapons against vague doom. When child's goal is to get on top a heavy school load, a written schedule for study time helps child regain a sense that she can succeed. When child's goal is to reconnect with a friend who's grown distant, a plan to write a letter, hold a sleepover, or invite for a day gives child hope that relationships can be mended. When child's goal is to help big brother with his chores, a plan to carry the water for the dog rather than attempt to wrestle an animal twice her size offers the chance to succeed.
Life overwhelms. As we work with our children to define problems, goals, and plans we teach our children the skills for handling all life will throw at them. Even rambunctious dogs.

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"Your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:5. I finish morning prayer time filled with a sense of peace and joy. Heading to the kitchen to make breakfast, I hear the children stir. Then clash. Then howl.
I run up the stairs to assess the damage only to find sibling crouched over sibling, full brawl ensuing. Before I explode, the verse from my devotion blares in my mind--"Your attitude should be the same as Jesus." Feeling less peaceful and joy-filled, I'm also a little more sarcastic in mental response wondering exactly WHAT Jesus' attitude would be to children who can't even get out of bed without fighting.
Deep breath. Short prayer. Pause to ask, "Jesus, what would Your attitude be?" I know this is a test--did I really get what God was saying? Was my peace real or a facade? Can I truly walk through life as Jesus did? The command is that I must. My family provides God's school for bringing lessons to life--giving opportunities to practice. Today's lesson--"Your attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus." Lord, save me from myself and show me the way to be like You--even in attitude.
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