Every parent wants it: the gasp, the wide eyes, the “Oh! Mommy and Daddy—it’s perfect!” So how do we find the perfect gift to let our children know just how much we love them? A few tips can help.
Survey the children. As part of the dinner table conversation, ask family members to state their favorite Christmas gift from last year. It’s not a fail-safe test, but the results will distinguish those gifts that have stood the test of time from those that may have excited for a moment but quickly passed out of mind.
Follow with, “What made that gift so special? What were other gifts you remember and still cherish?” As the conversation unfolds, you’ll gain insight into the kind of gift that means the most to each child.
Compare notes. Each parent notices different signals from your children and focuses on different aspects of gift-giving. If you work together, chances are you will do much better at finding a gift that speaks your love than working separately.
My husband compiles a complete list of our children’s requests and masterfully discerns which items they truly want versus the last item they saw in a toy catalogue. I, on the other hand, have to go to a store, hold the item, and envision the child’s look on Christmas morning. We typically make a date and hit the stores using Mike’s list as a guide for me to test gifts. As I intuitively focus on items I can envision lighting our child’s face, he focuses on the interests and desires behind the child’s actual requests. Together, we have a pretty good track record of getting “it” for each child.
Consider their love language. Some children save every note, card, or trinket they’ve received. These tangible signs of another’s love become treasures that fill their love tank. For such children, gifts take on an added significance because they aren’t just presents, they are the language by which the child hears, “I love you.”
For others, gifts are great but they feel truly loved when Mom takes them out for a soda or Dad cuddles with them on the couch reading. Time is their love language.
Still others feel truly loved when complimented—either to their face or through a note left in their lunch. Those words of affirmation communicate love more clearly than the whole toy room combined.
Children who crave physical affection feel loved by consistent hugs, tussles on the floor, or tickle-fests. Still other children feel most loved when others do acts of service for them such as making their lunch or driving them to practice.
If we want our gift giving to communicate our love, we must include their love language in some aspect of the process. Sure, our son may be asking for a 10-speed bike. But, if his love language is time—the gift will only truly communicate love if we pull out our own bikes and take a spin with him.
Get your daughter the requested doll house. But if she needs words of affirmation, include in her stocking a letter detailing all she has meant to you this year.
If your child is a gifts person, that can seem the easiest child to please this Christmas, yet there is a hidden danger. If you are careless, the gift may not only miss, but the message may be rejection. If you take time to find a gift that hits, you also communicate acceptance and love.
Choosing the perfect gift is every parent’s dream; falling short is every parent’s nightmare. Take time to inventory what means the most to your children, pool your insights with your spouse’s, and include their love language in the process. Then wait for the gasp, the wide eyes and the, “Oh! It’s perfect!”
This month’s topic: What is the best gift you have given? How did it become the best?
