“How do I get my children to do their chores?” One of the most common questions I receive. Honest answer—I struggle mightily with this issue in our home. We’ve done chore charts. We’ve purchased packaged systems training children to do chores. We’ve instituted schedules. After an enthusiastic start and much hoopla, three weeks in—I tour the house to find unmade beds, dishes stacked in the sink, and dust bunnies grabbing my toes from under furniture.

I can’t really blame the children. I’m not great at putting stickers on charts, following every instruction of a complicated system, or reminding of the schedule. I don’t want to have to remind—that’s why I have a schedule. Yet, I also have to acknowledge that if the Marine Corp—those top military men and women charged with defending the order of the world—need regular inspections to keep their barracks clean, my children probably need more from me than a chart or a schedule.

What works? For us—chore hour. We set one hour a day as chore hour. From 4:00 – 5:00 everyone gathers for their assignment and works until the list is done.

Benefits:

• Group effort reduces complaining. Because the time is set and everyone’s involved, children complain a lot less. They expect to do chores at 4:00. It becomes part of the flow of the day rather than an interruption of their activities.

• Natural camaraderie. Children generally don’t like working alone. They don’t want to go off by themselves to clean the toy room or make their bed. When everyone is doing chores, we team up to tackle the toy covered floor or washing the dishes. Working together makes the job go faster as we connect with each other while working. Also, I can teach how to do the job as we go. Children don’t feel overwhelmed by a task they don’t know how to begin—they become empowered as they work alongside and learn from me.

If we must divide and conquer, we create teams. The first team to finish their task gets to pick dessert. This not only offers incentive for older children to help younger siblings learn chores, it builds team spirit in the family as we learn to work well together.

Important note—Mom and Dad need to be part of the mix. Just having a chore time for the kids may work to get chores done, but resentment often remains. The camaraderie comes as mom and dad work alongside the kids. If parents actively engage—resentment goes out the window and cooperation and team spirit take over.

• Less stress/interruptions throughout the day. If I walk through the house at lunch and see mess after mess, I don’t spend the day griping at my children to “please come get this cleaned up.” I can simply wait for the chore hour, then point out what must be accomplished. I can relax knowing it will be done. The children can focus on their priorities throughout the day without being interrupted every time I find a job.

• The chores get done. With a little planning (Monday-focus on floors and laundry, Tuesday—focus on bathrooms, etc.), I can make great use of our chore hour to keep the house running smoothly. With everyone pitching in together, the work takes less time. More importantly, everyone has a stake in keeping the house looking good the rest of the time—meaning fewer overall chores for everyone.

Too often chores, or the failure to do chores, pit parents against children in an ongoing battle. We become “enemies” as we fight over why chores aren’t done. A team approach means we work together to conquer the task instead of working to conquer each other. Not only are beds made, dishes washed, and dust bunnies tamed—we avoid battles; we build bonds and enjoy peace.

Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic. This month’s topic: What works in your house?