“Billy, put the cookie back—it’s not lunchtime yet.” Billy leans over the package on the counter and shoves the cookie into his mouth as he pretends to return it. “Billy!” scolds mom, “You shouldn’t do that. I’ll deal with you after I’m finished talking to Mary—now go play.”

Despite her best intentions, Billy’s mom has normalized disobedience.

Children think based on what’s in their hearts. Thoughts become actions. Actions become habits. Habits shape character. Character determines destiny.

When a son consciously disobeys a direct order to put the cookie away, he reveals a heart focused on getting his own way rather than listening to his parents. From this heart attitude, he thinks, “I wonder if I can get away with eating the cookie?” so he pops it into his mouth. Now comes the test.

If mom or dad stops what they are doing to engage Billy regarding his behavior, he learns to think, “I’d better do what mom and dad say to do.”

When mom or dad fails to correct his action, he learns he can do what he wants without consequence. Step one of a bad habit is put into place—disobey if you don’t like the direction.

The more parents give in—the more ingrained the habit becomes. It grows into a character of demanding one’s own way and ignoring any direction which interferes with getting what he wants. Such characters have a hard time keeping jobs, building marriages, sacrificing for children, or bowing their hearts to the Lordship of Christ. With a heart completely focused on self—there’s not room for anyone else.

Parents can’t change their child’s hearts—but we can shape them. If we lovingly but firmly require our child to follow our rules, those actions become a habit of obedience to loving authority, the natural response to our direction. That habit shapes a character of one who will do what he’s supposed to do—even when he doesn’t like it. Such characters not only become model employees, build healthy marriages, and sacrifice for the good of their children—they are enabled to enter a relationship with Christ. The habit of obedience trains their heart to focus on others.

If there’s a rule you aren’t willing to put the energy into enforcing, don’t make it a rule. For the rules you keep—require require your child to follow them. Healthy families focus on building character—and character is shaped by each action of your child.

Coming next—So how do I require obedience as a natural response to my direction?