Sobs come through the door before my daughter ever gets it open. As I run to see which arm is broken, she collapses in my arms. "Honey! What in the world is the matter?" I begin feeling for sprains and looking for gushing blood.
"Halley won't go in the cage," she sobs. Seriously?
I pull her face from my shoulder and gaze into absolutely overwhelmed eyes. Understanding dawns. The dog is twice daughter's size. To describe her as rambunctious would be kind. As daughter's cries die away she explained that she wanted to put Halley away for the night as a favor for big brother. Her plan backfired horribly as the dog ran rings around her rather than simply walk into the cage. Result--overwhelmed child.
Ever see that "deer in the head lights" look in your son's face? Hear the moans coming from daughter's room? Our children too often feel absolutely overwhelmed by life. By demands of classes, by ridiculous expectations from friends, by an overly critical eye turned on themselves. How can we help?
Define the problem. Overwhelmed generally comes from that vague sense of impending doom. The very vagueness increases the sense of powerlessness. Defining the problem helps.
This can take a while. Verbal children often have to talk through an issues. As daughter talks in circles--she gets out the emotion, the layers, the confusion. Slowly the underlying issues emerges.
More experiential son has to pace or hammer to process his thoughts. As he physically punches an object, his brain punches out the layers of problem until he has a complete picture.
However your child operates, when overwhelmed sets in--set aside time to simply let your child vent. As he does, repeat back what you hear him saying. Hearing his own words, son can hone in on the pattern of conduct or emotions that form the crux of the issue. Once the problem is defined, he can begin to develop a strategy.
Define the goal. Understanding the issues behind the overwhelmed enables both parents and children to then define the answer to the issue. Once daughter expressed all her anger at the dog's antics, at the time it took to do a simple job, at the frustration of being too little--she finally defined the goal: to help her big brother. Knowing the goal leads to creating a plan.
Define the plan. A plan gives children focus and a sense of control--two great weapons against vague doom. When child's goal is to get on top a heavy school load, a written schedule for study time helps child regain a sense that she can succeed. When child's goal is to reconnect with a friend who's grown distant, a plan to write a letter, hold a sleepover, or invite for a day gives child hope that relationships can be mended. When child's goal is to help big brother with his chores, a plan to carry the water for the dog rather than attempt to wrestle an animal twice her size offers the chance to succeed.
Life overwhelms. As we work with our children to define problems, goals, and plans we teach our children the skills for handling all life will throw at them. Even rambunctious dogs.
Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' above to discuss this month's topic.
This month’s topic:
What are your strategies for dealing with overwhelmed?
