"Happiness is the state of human flourishing. Human flourishing is reached by means of a virtuous life." Socrates

"I tried to get my son try that, but he didn't think it would be fun," quote from friend rejecting advice on how to engage her sullen son. Her desire? For her son to flourish. Her method? Create more fun for him. Yet, though she ran herself ragged to get him to every activity he desired--he continued to withdraw, to be more demanding, to be sullen. What gives?

While I'm a big fan of fun and think it should be an element of healthy family life, when did fun become the litmus test for life choices?

The message is everywhere. Our youth group leaders urge us to sign children up because "they'll have a blast!" Tutoring programs promise "children will learn and have fun doing it." Even teachers in classrooms introduce new subjects with the phrase, "We are going to have so much fun!" Our culture inundates us with the message that fun is the paramount consideration for how to engage our children--how to make them flourish. We've been duped. Most of human history knew better. They knew that the true path to flourishing was virtue.

Our language frames our children's thinking. When our language focuses on terms such as "fun" or "enjoy," we train our children to consider these to be the highest priorities for their lives. And when our children seek only their own pleasure, they grow self-centered, dissatisfied, and sullen. The farthest state from flourishing you can attain. We need to refocus on setting virtue as the path to flourishing. It begins with how we recommend life activities to our children--words that focus on building character rather than having fun.

I'll admit that my own language has become so infused with terms like "enjoy" and "this is will fun" that it's hard for me to find expressions for focusing on virtue that don't sound contrived or hokey. But, I'm trying--because I want my children to consider virtue as their path to flourishing. To happiness.

As I choose curriculum for our home school, I'm focusing more on recommending it to my children with phrases such as "This has some really great meat for our minds" or "I think this will help hone the passion God has given you with real skills." As I consider children's extra activities, I ask them, "This sounds really fun. How will it also build God's fruit in your life?" As they leave to go with friends, I no longer simply say, "Have a great time." I say, "Have a great time and be God's blessing." I have to admit the latter sounds forced even to me--but I'm trying to impart a virtuous focus even in my good-byes.

Our culture believes fun is the path to happiness. It's no surprise that focus has permeated our parenting--we want our children to be happy. Yet, Socrates advises--if we really want happiness for our children, focus on virtue. As we intentionally express this focus, we teach our children that--if they pursue virtue, they will be happy. Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.