July--time for pulling weeds. As I struggled through the fourth garden box, I realized that the weeds I was pulling from our veggies bore a striking similarity to the weeds I'd been wrestling in our children's character. Perhaps there were some lessons in parenting from my tomato plants?

• Tiny weeds: 

Tiny weeds can be the hardest to tend. They're hard to grab, don't seem all that big a deal till you step back and see that they are everywhere, and the small roots have the strength of Goliath. While it would be easy to let these go to tend the larger weeds, these little buggers seem to do more damage in the long run.
So it goes with those tiny bad habits of our children. We focus on the big issues of lying or refusal to share, but let the little back talking or rolling of eyes slip by. Yet, those "little" habits reveal a heart that refuses to acknowledge authority and disparages relationship. In their heart our child cares more about getting his way than honoring the other person. While this weed can be hard to grasp--if let go, it spreads everywhere.

• Long roots:  

Ever had that weed whose roots seem to end somewhere in China? Yes, my peppers have those. Worse, the weed itself is covered in prickles so that grabbing hard enough to yank the root out really hurts.
Sometimes dealing with our children's sin really hurts. Sometimes we have to go really deep to get at the heart of sin. When this situation arises, I take great comfort from lessons learned in Paul Tripp's book, Age of Opportunity. He affirms the basic truth that our children's time with us is essentially a series of opportunities to work with our children and help them see where they need Jesus to save them in very concrete ways. A son's attraction to pornography, a daughter's decision to act hatefully toward her family--these sins are big, hurtful, and have deep roots. Only Jesus can yank this weed. But, we are the hands He uses. Be ready for some pain. Also be ready for the real growth that happens once the weeds are gone.

• Weeds that look like the plant: 

Perhaps the most frustrating weed problem of all--when I can't tell whether the greenery in my hand is strawberry or the weed that look identical. My son can always tell. He knows the minuscule differences in leaves. He has the patience to trace the runner back to the original plant to identify--strawberry vs. weed. I usually must wait for the other sure fire is test--does the plant produce fruit or destruction? 
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether our children's actions are leading to good character or bad. Is her sunny smile while playing with little sis a gracious showing of love or a manipulative ploy to get her way? Just like my son, we must have the patience to get to know the tiny nuances that identify good vs. bad. We must trace their behaviour back to its origin--what heart attitude leads to the current choice? We must engage enough to see the results of their choice--good fruit or destruction? While these character weeds can be hard to identify, as soul gardeners for our children we must dig them out so that God's fruit can grow.
For parents--it's always July. Always weeding time. I love how God gives us spiritual lessons in the concrete experiences of every day. As I finish pulling the last weed from the cucumbers, I simply pray, "Lord, please give me Your insight and guidance on tending the weeds in these children so that they can flourish for You."

Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.