Second, give children a focus--praying for the wounded, gathering donations, or writing cards are a few of the kid-sized outreaches that can make a difference for our children and the victims. When we offer children a way to reach out, we give a measure of control they can take to do something positive. Good medicine.
Finally, restrict the viewing. Children--especially younger ones--can't distinguish what is happening across the country from what is happening down the street. The fires of West, Texas seem next door. While we may want to remain riveted for the latest details, most likely not much will change between dinner and after children head to bed. Get your news when they can't hear the grisly details.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
- Conversation--Something about the slow, steady work of tilling soil or weeding plants makes room for unstructured conversation. Without the distractions of household noise, what begins as a discussion of where to put the seeds flows into noticing the shapes in the clouds, the call of the birds, and then whatever else is on our child's mind. Parents have so much pulling at us--we can so easily be unavailable to our children for far more time than we realize. Between the computer, dinner, and bills we put our children off to take care of the details of life. Gardening buffers out aspects that interrupt and allows for conversation while working--a great recipe for connection.
- Exploration--I love rediscovering the world through my child's eyes. Gardening opens aspects of the world to discovery. The worms and bugs living in the soil that aid our labors, the wonder of a tiny seed becoming dinner in a few weeks--a myriad of discoveries await in our backyards to be shared. When children ask questions about how the process works, we either share what we know or grab a book and discover together--great memories.
- Work ethic--God designed children to learn from their parents while working beside them. Deuteronomy 6:6-7. Children inherently love being with their parents, learning from them, and participating with them. We've lost a lot of that dynamic in our current culture. More, children have lost the opportunities to engage in productive work. By institutionalizing an extended play culture for children, we've separated children from real work. Our children often can't see themselves as able to engage in meaningful activity which produces positive results for others. Gardening counteracts this. It tests physical as well as intellectual skills. It creates problem solving moments such as how to keep the deer or chickens away from the baby plants. Further, when the team brings that harvest of tomatoes or bouquet of flowers to the table, they share in the knowledge that together with you--they have done something meaningful.
Tips for succeeding:
- Start small--If you haven't gardened before, take it slow. A few plants in a small plot may be the perfect introduction. Giving children their own garden offers a sense of connection and ownership that engages and excited them. Till some soil around a tree for wildflowers or create a small plot for her favorite vegetable. If it goes well, take the excitement from this year's success to expand next year.
- Let your child pick--Build your child's enthusiasm by letting him make a few choices. Let him check options in the seed catalogue or head to a store to let your child choose the plants they want to tend. Ownership leads to longer commitment.
- Celebrate victories--Make a feast featuring the first fruits from the garden or decorate the house with the blooms from the flowers. As you bring the successes into your home, you communicate their efforts have tangible value which both increases the connection between you and affirms a work ethic in them.
Spring is here. Enjoy the outdoors together through gardening and by fall you'll harvest a richer relationship with your children.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
As a former
attorney, I’m always interested in current cases. Two recently shocked me—for
very different reasons.
The first: Ohio's Butler County Prosecutor recently sued Punxsutawney Phil for false advertisement of an early spring. Saying Phil "committed a felony against the peace and dignity of the state of Ohio;" Ohioans demanded Phil's execution. As a winter-dreader, I enjoyed this tongue-in-cheek
expression of fellow frustration with the winter that never seems to end. The
case made me laugh.
The second
made me cry. A couple engaged a surrogate mother to carry their baby. The young
woman had significant financial issues which the hefty surrogate fee would help
address. When prenatal testing indicated issues in the baby, the couple offered
to pay the woman $10,000 to abort. When she refused, they sued. Already
financially strapped, the young woman faced both pregnancy alone and the
expense of a lawsuit.
How could
this happen?
As John
Stonestreet says, “We become what we worship. Our culture worships stuff. So,
people have become stuff.” Stuff you can return if not satisfied. Stuff you can
reject for defects. Stuff you can throw away. People are not supposed to be
equivalent to stuff—yet all too often people are treated as if they are. For this couple, their baby was an item to dispose of because she didn't meet expectations. So, was the surrogate mother.
We can hope
this experience persuades the couple never to try to have children again. Nature
made the right call when it denied them a baby of their own. But, there are
millions more in our culture who think of children as possessions--items geared for the couple's happiness and fulfillment. Should children fail in this--children should be disposed of.
Our methods of disposal vary. This couple chose execution of their child. While many would be shocked at even the mention of executing Punxsutawney Phil; they barely blink at this notion. Others simply send their child away--to school, to after school programs, to summer camp. Now please hear me. I know many parents use these services as opportunities to grow their children and readily engage with these institutions to make this happen. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the parents who use these as a means of getting their children out of their hair because the children don't satisfy.
As parents we have a sacred
trust—to treat our children as gifts from God, people made in His image and for
His purposes—not ours. This means we focus our time, energy, and thoughts on engaging with our children to help them become the images of God they were made to be. At times we engage others to help us in this process; but we, the parents, remain primarily responsible--because our children are gifts and priorities, not disposable stuff. More, we bear the burden of convincing those around us
of this truth. If we do this well, perhaps we will have only suits against poor
rodents for miscalculation on the weather and can simply laugh.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
Why do we call our child back to wipe the crumbs from the counter after they finished cleaning the kitchen? Why do we insist they go back outside and return the lids to the trashcans? Why do we ask them to change the dog's water--not just fill the bowl to the top?
When we ask our children to do the whole job, we teach them to work with all their heart at everything. Sometimes it's tempting to settle for a half-hearted effort from our children. We can tell ourselves, "At least they put the food in the fridge and the dishes in the dish washer. I guess I should be happy with that." But, letting our children get by with the minimum builds into them a habit of doing as little as possible. That's not God's standard.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
- Getting close gets attention. We live in a world where people receive more than 800 messages a day. From tweets to billboards to Facebook to texts to school lectures, our children are inundated with people talking at them. With so much going on, people default to tuning out unless something grabs their attention. It's a sheer defense mechanism against the onslaught of communication. When Mom or Dad walks up to their child or calls child to come to them, this signals, "It's time to tune in and listen to me."
- Getting close implies importance. When a parent takes the time and energy to walk to a child and ask for their child's attention, child perks up. She realizes Mom or Dad must truly care about what they are going to say. This prepares our child to listen.
- Getting close helps parents read their children. We gain insight as to whether this is a good time to give the instruction, whether our child understands, and whether our child respectfully responds to us. We go beyond simply barking out orders to engaging in a relationship with our child.
No parents likes to continually feel as if what he or she says bounces off our child into oblivion. We want to be heard. Getting close helps. As we get physically close, we connect with our child. That leads to more cooperation on the tasks. . .and to more emotional closeness as well.
This month’s topic: What do you think?
;;
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
