The crowd gathered at Sam's was a dead give-away. Parents scoured the curriculum aisle looking for ways to keep the learning going over summer so children their don't fall behind. While the parental concern and support is admirable, parents who assign a slew of worksheets to copy the education children receive through the year not only ignore a huge opportunity for real learning--they may kill their their child's natural tendency to explore and grow.
Schools use worksheets for one reason--they can be graded in a heartbeat. Teachers who have 35 students to attend must have quick feedback that doesn't depend on communicating with each child.
Parents don't need that. Interaction with our children lets us know whether they understand or need a little assist. This means parents can focus on the hands-on activities that lead to real learning. Children remember what they do--especially when it relates to their interests. A better approach than worksheets:
Math--

• Let children choose a project to complete over the summer. Figuring the square footage for their own garden plot or tree house puts learning the math skills into a concrete situation that benefits them. The incentive to get the answer right grows exponentially when it's their creation on the line.
• While you're at it, let them figure the budget for the project. They develop more math skills plus an appreciation of how to make difficult choices to stay within available funds.
• Make trips to the grocery, the pool, or the vacation a time for them to figure the price. Children are for more interested in adding how many snacks they can get for their allotment than working an imaginary story problem.
• Play games. Nearly every board game builds some type of math skill. Kids learn while having fun. They love it even more when parents join the game.

Reading--

• Choose a great book to read aloud as a family. Children of all ages love hearing a story come to life. Following the story as you read builds both a love of reading and listening skills. What parent doesn't need that?
• Hand the map for the vacation trip to your child and have them plot the route. Builds both math and technical reading skills. The same works for the plans for the tree house or the recipe for dinner.
• Set an hour a day as reading time for all ages. Even three-year-olds can look at a picture book during their rest time. This builds the habit of reading into the family culture. It also gives parents a quiet break in the day. Need ideas for books? Consider Honey for a Child's Heart. Gladys Hunt creates age-appropriate lists of the best books available. 

Hands-on--

• If you haven't discovered 4-H--attend your county's local fair and take in the projects. You don't need farm animals to participate. Projects are available in nearly every interest--rockets, photography, cake decorating, gift wrap, genealogy, electricity, bicycle maintenance--you name it. Take your children to see the exhibits and choose their project. You can still stop by the 4-H office to get the manuals and complete a project even this summer. While children won't be part of the fair--working through the projects offers an opportunity to learn a myriad of new skills in your child's area of interest.
• Go to state park, nature center, or library programs. These bring learning to life in a fun way.

When kids engage in activities--they learn. Take the opportunity to turn everyday life into exploration--and your children will go back to school on track and loving learning.

Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

Do your children spend a lot of time comparing themselves to others--happy when they perform better than classmates or siblings; sad when someone else gets the upper hand? Though completely normal in our culture, it reveals a serious flaw in reasoning and in heart. 
James says, "As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil." James 4:16. James noted that boasting means our eyes are fixed on other people--how we measure against them. If we are better, we consider ourselves good. If someone else outperforms us, we value ourselves less. That's a wrong measure. 
Instead, it's better to teach our children to measure themselves against, "Are you doing what God has called you to do the best you can?" In this we teach our children to focus on their duty to God. To keep their eyes on God. More importantly, they get their security from the knowledge that they are precious to God--not on their performance as compared to others.
Bragging and condemning self are opposite ends of the same issue--finding confidence and worth in performance. When we turn our children's focus to their relationship with God, we give a sure footing that will last their lifetime.
Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

As parents--we know we have to correct our children's misbehavior. We spend time assessing our expectations and considering the best consequences to ensure we are fair to our children. That's good. But, when the process ends--do you face a deepening closeness with your children or a distance born of frustration and ongoing anger?  Done right--discipline should bring parents and children closer. Yet, for many parents--children might outwardly obey, but their attitude toward parents grows bitter and aloof. How can parents complete discipline well? Share your reasoning. To be sure, parents can't explain every rule or decision. In fact, an important part of parenting includes training our children to trust us--even when they don't understand the why behind our decision. This enables our children to likewise trust God--even when they don't understand Him. At the same time, rules that seem arbitrary breed resentment. When we take the time to explain why we have the rules we have, we create connection with our children. We have reasons for our rules--usually because they create the kind of family culture we want to foster. Children can't hit because we want those who live in our home to feel safe in our home. Children can't lie because lying kills trust--we want to be able to trust each other. Children do chores because we want them to know how to take care of their house when they are older, and we want them to learn that in a family, everyone contributes.  As we share with our children the goals we are trying to achieve with the rules we set, children catch a vision for family life they can join. Personalize the rules for your child. When you explain that the rule against lying means they will know what is really happening and they can trust what you say, you give them motivation to join with you in creating a trusting home. Try again. Parents need to memorize these words, "Go and try again." Often when a parent catches their child misbehaving, parent simply imposes a punishment. Some move on to having a conversation to ensure child understands why he was punished. While this process ensures that our child knows he failed his parents and why, it leaves our child in a state of defeat. Not a great mindset for closeness. Add one more step. Tell your child, "Go and try again." If son was disciplined for yanking a truck from little sister or daughter was punished for backtalking--impose the consequence and have the conversation about why their behavior isn't allowed. Then, give your child the chance to try again. Take the truck in your hand and ask your son, "How can you get the truck without yanking it?" Give the instruction to your daughter and ask her to respond as she should. When we give our children the opportunity to try again--we end discipline with a positive. We reinforce the message that we know our children can obey and that we believe in them. Rather than feeling defeated--they feel connected. A great antidote to distance. Discipline is part of parenting--a part that ultimately should create more connection with parents. When we offer our children the chance to try again, connection grows. Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

"Happiness is the state of human flourishing. Human flourishing is reached by means of a virtuous life." Socrates

"I tried to get my son try that, but he didn't think it would be fun," quote from friend rejecting advice on how to engage her sullen son. Her desire? For her son to flourish. Her method? Create more fun for him. Yet, though she ran herself ragged to get him to every activity he desired--he continued to withdraw, to be more demanding, to be sullen. What gives?

While I'm a big fan of fun and think it should be an element of healthy family life, when did fun become the litmus test for life choices?

The message is everywhere. Our youth group leaders urge us to sign children up because "they'll have a blast!" Tutoring programs promise "children will learn and have fun doing it." Even teachers in classrooms introduce new subjects with the phrase, "We are going to have so much fun!" Our culture inundates us with the message that fun is the paramount consideration for how to engage our children--how to make them flourish. We've been duped. Most of human history knew better. They knew that the true path to flourishing was virtue.

Our language frames our children's thinking. When our language focuses on terms such as "fun" or "enjoy," we train our children to consider these to be the highest priorities for their lives. And when our children seek only their own pleasure, they grow self-centered, dissatisfied, and sullen. The farthest state from flourishing you can attain. We need to refocus on setting virtue as the path to flourishing. It begins with how we recommend life activities to our children--words that focus on building character rather than having fun.

I'll admit that my own language has become so infused with terms like "enjoy" and "this is will fun" that it's hard for me to find expressions for focusing on virtue that don't sound contrived or hokey. But, I'm trying--because I want my children to consider virtue as their path to flourishing. To happiness.

As I choose curriculum for our home school, I'm focusing more on recommending it to my children with phrases such as "This has some really great meat for our minds" or "I think this will help hone the passion God has given you with real skills." As I consider children's extra activities, I ask them, "This sounds really fun. How will it also build God's fruit in your life?" As they leave to go with friends, I no longer simply say, "Have a great time." I say, "Have a great time and be God's blessing." I have to admit the latter sounds forced even to me--but I'm trying to impart a virtuous focus even in my good-byes.

Our culture believes fun is the path to happiness. It's no surprise that focus has permeated our parenting--we want our children to be happy. Yet, Socrates advises--if we really want happiness for our children, focus on virtue. As we intentionally express this focus, we teach our children that--if they pursue virtue, they will be happy. Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

"Why won't this thing just do its job?!"  With a pile of dishes to wash, my frustration mounted as the newly purchased stopper failed to keep dishwater in the sink. Despite repeated wiggling, the suds simply drained away. "It has one job! Why can't it just do what it was created to do?"

I wonder how often God asks that question about me.

Sometimes, in the middle of folding laundry or correcting a math assignment, I look across the room to find my husband deep in thought. As I watch him sitting alone, I begin to reflect, "When was the last time I made time just for him?" Going deeper I ask, "Have I had enough in-depth conversations to know what he's pondering right now? Do I even know if he's troubled or if something is bringing him joy?"

Too often I get too busy to focus on my husband. I focus instead on my half of  the load and let him focus on his. With a house full of children it's so easy to say, "He's the other adult--he is on his own."

But, God says, "He's not supposed to be on his own. He gets lonely on his own. When I created him, I said that loneliness wasn't good, so I made you." I know I was created, first and foremost, to be my husband's companion. Though God has certainly added other roles, the very reason for my being is to ease the innate, created loneliness of my husband. Genesis 2. I also know how deeply God loves my husband. I'm sure there are times God looks at my husband single-handedly shouldering his burdens and asks, "Why can't she just do her job?!"

I know how to make this happen. When he gets home, I can instruct the children not to interrupt unless there is gushing blood, take him to our room, and spend the first 20 minutes of his time home focusing all my attention on catching up on his day. I can plan an evening away--or at least an evening walk--to get the two of us out of the house, together, and focused on each other. I can stop folding laundry and go sit with him. I can simply determine to do the job I was created to do--then trust God will show me how to get the rest done, too.

Everything is made for a purpose. If my frustration boils over the stopper's failure to keep water in a sink, how frustrated must God get when I fail to help and encourage the husband He gave to me. I need to remember my own plea, "Please, just do the job you were made to do."

Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.