What dreams do you have for your son? Do you desire him to lead a corporation, a family business, his country? Do you long for him to have an impactful career as a doctor, police officer, or teacher? Whatever the dream, chance are you see him successfully leading others—be it his family, business, or community. How do we build good leaders?

God offers a surpising answer. God made Joseph leader of Egypt by way of a prison term. Moses became leader of Israel after an exile to shepherding. David likewise rose from lowly shepherd and foot soldier to king. Daniel became advisor to an empire from the position of a slave. God creates leaders from servants. Wise parents follow His lead.

These leaders were born with incredible intelligence and talents. Yet, God knew innate gifts are not enough to create a leader. As Joseph served first in a noble’s house then among fellow prisoners, he learned how to discern the needs of others and meet these. He developed skills in organizing fellow prisoners to work and live together peaceably. David’s time as a shepherd taught him to unify individuals prone to go their own way while protecting his flock from outward threats. Daniel’s heart to use his position to care for people under him developed from his position as slave in Nebuchadnezzar’s kingdom. A great leader knows his position is a trust given to use for the good of those he leads. This is the heart of a servant.

If we want our sons to be great leaders, we must first teach them to serve.

Fortunately, we don’t have to ship our sons to prison or slavery to develop this heart. Opportunities abound in everyday life to teach this skill—yet, many parents miss these. To train our sons well, we must forego the cultural habit of indulging children and take on new habits.

Normalize serving at home. From the time he can walk, have your son help you around the house. Yes, he will create more mess than productive work. Yes, your job will take longer. Yet, during these early years his view of the world is forming. If he spends his formative years playing while you work, his most fundamental understanding of the world becomes, "others exist to work on my behalf; I exist to play." Play becomes the expectation; any request for help a resentment. Instead, create in his earliest days the expectation, "if there are things to be done, I should be helping." He can fold towels while you hang shirts, pick up sticks before you mow, tip a cup of water into the dog’s bowl, put out napkins before meals. Not only are you developing in him the expectation that he should help, you are training him to become an invaluable aid in the coming years.

As he gets older, couch discussions of sibling and friend conflicts in terms of “how could you serve the others involved? Instead of seeking to prove you are right, how could you act in this situation to meet another’s need?” Give some jobs for which he is responsible—not to get an allowance—but simply because he is part of a family and everyone must help take care of each other.

Normalize serving in public. Modeling is the best teacher. Become the family that stays after the church pitch-in to put away tables, picks up trash along your road, takes cookies to a sick neighbor or shut-in. Help college students move into the local dorms, serve food at the local food pantry, and offer to carry sacks for the mom with three youngsters in tow. As you develop an ear and eye for opportunities to help those around you and include your son, he will develop these senses.

The easy path lies in sending our son to his room with a video game to stay out of our way or indulging his whims to keep him happy. To build the character of a leader, God’s wisdom says our sons must know how to serve. That will take our investment of time and teaching and opportunities to serve. As we do this, we offer the foundation for all the dreams we have for our sons.

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