Ragged breaths. . .burning legs. . .parched throat. As I glided up the driveway after a long ride, I headed toward the front door to grab a large glass of water. Then, I turned.

Instead of the front door, my first stop was the barn--where we park our bikes. Though the water called, I could envision the scolding I would give my son if I had come out of the front door and found my his bike lying by the porch. In our house the “I’m just going to leave this here and put it away later” approach usually leads to lost objects and hours of frustrated search. So, we created the firm rule: when an object’s in your hand, put it where it goes—mom and her bike included.

Rule one of discipline—parents shouldn’t make a rule they don’t follow. Why?

• Hypocrisy kills discipline. When parents make a rule seem irrelevant by ignoring it, children will be hard pressed to push themselves to comply.
  

• Further, when parents must comply, we tend to have fewer rules. We also tend to show more grace with occasional lapses as we personally experience the difficulty of restraining our desires in order to obey.
  

• Finally, our compliance offers a concrete example to our children of what obedience to the rule looks like—invaluable.

Though my parched throat begged for relief, the three minutes it took to put my bike away first reinforced the rule, “when something’s in your hand, put it where it goes.” More importantly, I’ll be able to find my bike for our next outing.

“[God] will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah. 3:17. What a picture of how God relates to His children—with delight, joy, and singing!

Does this portray your relationship with your children?

Because of busyness, ignorance, or poor examples, often parents fail to come to parenting from a starting point of delight. Rather, we often begin with a sense of duty. “I have a duty to feed my children breakfast. A duty to help with their school work. A duty to teach about God.”

While duty may get the job done—it hardly inspires a loving relationship. Duty orients us to think of everything we do for our children as a "have to." Duty drains our energy and limits our focus to getting through the task. Duty kills joy.

Further, parenting from duty shapes our children to expect that others will care for them only because of an obligation. Children raised in this atmosphere struggle mightily to believe that anyone can abundantly love them--even God. They miss both His delight in them and the joy of relating to Him.

Instead, they picture God acting solely out of some holy responsibility He must fulfill to remain righteous. Because they sense only duty—God’s grace, mercy and offer of relationship are received cautiously, begrudgingly, and in as limited quantities as possible to gain heaven and get through life. No one wants to be the object of duty.

What a difference delight makes. If we delight to fill our children's tummies with a warm start to the day, delight to create opportunities for them to learn so they can grow into the people God made them to be, delight in sharing the treasures of God’s love—our children experience the reality of our delight in them. This shapes them to receive God’s delight. Everyone wants to be the object of delight.

When we sense delight—grace, mercy, and relationship are received openly with a continual desire for more. The more we receive the more we want. As you parent from a framework of delight in who your children are and who they are becoming—they want more of you. As they grow in understanding of this relationship and the joy it brings, they take these expectations into their relationship with God. They are shaped to believe and accept God’s delight. What better gift can we give our children?

To create a healthy home—begin with delight in your children.