Our peacock is molting. So begins one of the more bittersweet stages of summer.
Bitter because our peacock boasts a truly glorious tail. Indigo, forest green, and royal purple blend into a fan measuring six feet long. When he struts his stuff--he earns the name peacock, rightfully.
Sweet because we gather the fallen feathers and group them in a vase for a beauteous touch inside.
I'm always a tad disappointed as we gather the feathers. Each feather has only a few strands of color. Scrawny and tattered, I wonder how they could ever have seemed so beautiful. Yet, as the vase fills, the beauty grows. When full, the vase evokes gasps from friends who visit. "Where did you get those," they beg. Few can believe we gather the feathers from our yard each year insisting instead they must have come from some boutique.
I think our family life can mimic the peacock. Individual moments can seem tattered, frail, half-done. Refuse to view each moment in isolation. A vacation that went awry. A birthday party where the cake decorations ran. A conversation that didn't quite resolve all the issues. Instead, give yourself fully to today--following God's guidance for your family. Though each moment may not seem stellar, the story you write will gather tattered moments together over a lifetime to create a life of beauty.
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"Life is messy. Clean it up." This Swifter ad may have done more to save my parenting than most books I've read.
I don't know about you, but in early parenting I so often missed the best moments because I dreaded the mess. Forts in the living room, pillow fights, toys strewn throughout the house as children's toy soldiers attacked dinosaurs while storm troopers come to the rescue. I failed to see the creativity or fun focused instead on the piles and time to make right.
I'd grump about spilled milk at dinner. Fret about ice cream running down shirts. Think twice before getting out the finger paint.
Then, came the commercial. "Life is messy. Clean it up." Sure they were selling brooms and mops, but they extolled an important truth. Life--well lived--is messy. The answer isn't, "Avoid the mess." The answer is, "Clean it up." 
Instead of worrying about messes, I invested in the tools, and the mindset, to expect a mess and simply focus on the fact that we can clean it up. When I have the tools on-hand and the expectation of mess in mind, I don't worry about the mess. I know it will get clean. Instead, I revel in being with my children. I crawl into the fort. Fling the pillow. Make my own version of purple with the paints. When we're finished, we clean it up.
The spiritual, emotional, and intellectual arenas of parenting can be messy, too. Children ask tough questions. Fall apart on the inside with messy emotions. Struggle with doubts about God's goodness or presence. The same truth rules. Life is messy.
Too often I have longed to avoid the mess in these areas. But, God still says, "The answer isn't to avoid the mess. The answer is to clean it up." I just need the right tools. A vigilant prayer life, thinking shaped by scripture, wise friends who can counsel. I need time with my children, ears to listen, and a heart filled with grace. With these tools, God can use me to clean the messes.
Too many parents, myself once in this camp, miss the best of life trying to keep it neat. The best of life is messy. Let's engage--knowing we can clean it up.

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My best parenting instructor? Often, my garden. 
I find so many parallels between nurturing the plants in my garden and the children in my home. Perhaps this relationship training is why God first gave Adam and Eve a garden to tend. Did He know that the practice of planting, watering, and weeding to nurture Eden would prove perfect for all the people-relationships they would nurture in the coming years?
Yesterday I learned another lesson. Weeds at the corner of a garden box are the dickens to get out. The roots go deeper. Tools don't reach. You skin your knuckles like crazy to pull. Quite like the weeds at the corner of my life. 
Sin out in the open--in the middle of the garden box, so to speak--I can easily remove. Blatant disregard for others, yelling rudely at my children, selfishly seeking my gain at their expense--these wide-open sins are easily spotted and easily squashed. 
Sin at the corners--not so easy. The creeping sarcasm when child's misbehavior has worn my patience thin. The desire to control my child's preferences to match mine rather than stretch myself to match his. The knee-jerk punishment which, though deserved, is perhaps a bit harsher because my own selfishness has been offended. These behaviors which grow slowly, undetected until the roots have driven deep into daily patterns, prove hardest to remove.
Yet, my garden has also taught that if I settle for getting the majority of weeds from the middle and give in on the weeds at the corners, they eventually invade and kill all the growth I so carefully cultivated. They strangle the tomatoes, rob moisture from the peppers, crowd out the cucumbers. Rather than life-giving produce, I'm left with a box of weeds.
I don't want all the time I spend nurturing my children's character, praying over their future, or investing in filling their love tank to be robbed because I allowed weeds in the corner of my character to invade, strangle or crowd out everything else in our relationship. As with my garden, I gird myself to do the hard work of removing the weeds at the edges of my parenting. As I deal with my own sinfulness, my efforts in parenting yield greater fruit with my children. 
Yes, I think God knew exactly what He was doing. Gardens make great teachers.
Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' above to discuss this month's topic.