Do your children spend a lot of time comparing themselves to others--happy when they perform better than classmates or siblings; sad when someone else gets the upper hand? Though completely normal in our culture, it reveals a serious flaw in reasoning and in heart. 
James says, "As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil." James 4:16. James noted that boasting means our eyes are fixed on other people--how we measure against them. If we are better, we consider ourselves good. If someone else outperforms us, we value ourselves less. That's a wrong measure. 
Instead, it's better to teach our children to measure themselves against, "Are you doing what God has called you to do the best you can?" In this we teach our children to focus on their duty to God. To keep their eyes on God. More importantly, they get their security from the knowledge that they are precious to God--not on their performance as compared to others.
Bragging and condemning self are opposite ends of the same issue--finding confidence and worth in performance. When we turn our children's focus to their relationship with God, we give a sure footing that will last their lifetime.
Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

As parents--we know we have to correct our children's misbehavior. We spend time assessing our expectations and considering the best consequences to ensure we are fair to our children. That's good. But, when the process ends--do you face a deepening closeness with your children or a distance born of frustration and ongoing anger?  Done right--discipline should bring parents and children closer. Yet, for many parents--children might outwardly obey, but their attitude toward parents grows bitter and aloof. How can parents complete discipline well? Share your reasoning. To be sure, parents can't explain every rule or decision. In fact, an important part of parenting includes training our children to trust us--even when they don't understand the why behind our decision. This enables our children to likewise trust God--even when they don't understand Him. At the same time, rules that seem arbitrary breed resentment. When we take the time to explain why we have the rules we have, we create connection with our children. We have reasons for our rules--usually because they create the kind of family culture we want to foster. Children can't hit because we want those who live in our home to feel safe in our home. Children can't lie because lying kills trust--we want to be able to trust each other. Children do chores because we want them to know how to take care of their house when they are older, and we want them to learn that in a family, everyone contributes.  As we share with our children the goals we are trying to achieve with the rules we set, children catch a vision for family life they can join. Personalize the rules for your child. When you explain that the rule against lying means they will know what is really happening and they can trust what you say, you give them motivation to join with you in creating a trusting home. Try again. Parents need to memorize these words, "Go and try again." Often when a parent catches their child misbehaving, parent simply imposes a punishment. Some move on to having a conversation to ensure child understands why he was punished. While this process ensures that our child knows he failed his parents and why, it leaves our child in a state of defeat. Not a great mindset for closeness. Add one more step. Tell your child, "Go and try again." If son was disciplined for yanking a truck from little sister or daughter was punished for backtalking--impose the consequence and have the conversation about why their behavior isn't allowed. Then, give your child the chance to try again. Take the truck in your hand and ask your son, "How can you get the truck without yanking it?" Give the instruction to your daughter and ask her to respond as she should. When we give our children the opportunity to try again--we end discipline with a positive. We reinforce the message that we know our children can obey and that we believe in them. Rather than feeling defeated--they feel connected. A great antidote to distance. Discipline is part of parenting--a part that ultimately should create more connection with parents. When we offer our children the chance to try again, connection grows. Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.