"Happiness is the state of human flourishing. Human flourishing is reached by means of a virtuous life." Socrates

"I tried to get my son try that, but he didn't think it would be fun," quote from friend rejecting advice on how to engage her sullen son. Her desire? For her son to flourish. Her method? Create more fun for him. Yet, though she ran herself ragged to get him to every activity he desired--he continued to withdraw, to be more demanding, to be sullen. What gives?

While I'm a big fan of fun and think it should be an element of healthy family life, when did fun become the litmus test for life choices?

The message is everywhere. Our youth group leaders urge us to sign children up because "they'll have a blast!" Tutoring programs promise "children will learn and have fun doing it." Even teachers in classrooms introduce new subjects with the phrase, "We are going to have so much fun!" Our culture inundates us with the message that fun is the paramount consideration for how to engage our children--how to make them flourish. We've been duped. Most of human history knew better. They knew that the true path to flourishing was virtue.

Our language frames our children's thinking. When our language focuses on terms such as "fun" or "enjoy," we train our children to consider these to be the highest priorities for their lives. And when our children seek only their own pleasure, they grow self-centered, dissatisfied, and sullen. The farthest state from flourishing you can attain. We need to refocus on setting virtue as the path to flourishing. It begins with how we recommend life activities to our children--words that focus on building character rather than having fun.

I'll admit that my own language has become so infused with terms like "enjoy" and "this is will fun" that it's hard for me to find expressions for focusing on virtue that don't sound contrived or hokey. But, I'm trying--because I want my children to consider virtue as their path to flourishing. To happiness.

As I choose curriculum for our home school, I'm focusing more on recommending it to my children with phrases such as "This has some really great meat for our minds" or "I think this will help hone the passion God has given you with real skills." As I consider children's extra activities, I ask them, "This sounds really fun. How will it also build God's fruit in your life?" As they leave to go with friends, I no longer simply say, "Have a great time." I say, "Have a great time and be God's blessing." I have to admit the latter sounds forced even to me--but I'm trying to impart a virtuous focus even in my good-byes.

Our culture believes fun is the path to happiness. It's no surprise that focus has permeated our parenting--we want our children to be happy. Yet, Socrates advises--if we really want happiness for our children, focus on virtue. As we intentionally express this focus, we teach our children that--if they pursue virtue, they will be happy. Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.

"Why won't this thing just do its job?!"  With a pile of dishes to wash, my frustration mounted as the newly purchased stopper failed to keep dishwater in the sink. Despite repeated wiggling, the suds simply drained away. "It has one job! Why can't it just do what it was created to do?"

I wonder how often God asks that question about me.

Sometimes, in the middle of folding laundry or correcting a math assignment, I look across the room to find my husband deep in thought. As I watch him sitting alone, I begin to reflect, "When was the last time I made time just for him?" Going deeper I ask, "Have I had enough in-depth conversations to know what he's pondering right now? Do I even know if he's troubled or if something is bringing him joy?"

Too often I get too busy to focus on my husband. I focus instead on my half of  the load and let him focus on his. With a house full of children it's so easy to say, "He's the other adult--he is on his own."

But, God says, "He's not supposed to be on his own. He gets lonely on his own. When I created him, I said that loneliness wasn't good, so I made you." I know I was created, first and foremost, to be my husband's companion. Though God has certainly added other roles, the very reason for my being is to ease the innate, created loneliness of my husband. Genesis 2. I also know how deeply God loves my husband. I'm sure there are times God looks at my husband single-handedly shouldering his burdens and asks, "Why can't she just do her job?!"

I know how to make this happen. When he gets home, I can instruct the children not to interrupt unless there is gushing blood, take him to our room, and spend the first 20 minutes of his time home focusing all my attention on catching up on his day. I can plan an evening away--or at least an evening walk--to get the two of us out of the house, together, and focused on each other. I can stop folding laundry and go sit with him. I can simply determine to do the job I was created to do--then trust God will show me how to get the rest done, too.

Everything is made for a purpose. If my frustration boils over the stopper's failure to keep water in a sink, how frustrated must God get when I fail to help and encourage the husband He gave to me. I need to remember my own plea, "Please, just do the job you were made to do."

Please join us to encourage each other with your insights, remembering to keep comments uplifting and considerate of all. Click on 'comments' below to discuss this month's topic.